


Bitter-Sweet Endings

by diion



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Goodbyes, M/M, Sad Ending, this is meant to be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diion/pseuds/diion
Summary: After a long day of fighting off insecurities, Minghao finally convinces Jun that it is okay to fall asleep.
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	Bitter-Sweet Endings

**Author's Note:**

> hey bitches how’s it going. Procrastination hits hard, and I will be real, this has been in the works for awhile, as well as the other 38488 drafts that I have. 
> 
> Any who, grammatically, this is okay, though some parts are too wordy for my liking. This one is not for everybody. 
> 
> Hope you cry! Or not. Just... enjoy :0

Like any other day, Jun was lying in his bed again. He was tucked neatly under the covers, curtesy of Seokmin, who stressed that being tucked in was the cure to a bad day. Whether that was true or not, certainly having his friends over made him feel at least a little happier. Today had been a rough day, stressful. Too many people were telling him he was doing things wrongs, telling him that he will get better, that he will do better. Do they not understand though, that he won't? He was direly unlucky, and direly tired, but everybody kept telling him to stay awake till tomorrow.

Why tomorrow though? Why could he not go to sleep now? It had been such a long day, and though his eyes were already droopy, however today, they felt so much more heavier. He could barely keep them open at this point, staring endlessly at the wall in front of him. It had not changed since yesterday, and it was not going to change anytime soon, so why he stared so intently at it was mind boggling. He hated himself for putting in all his focus into the yellowing cracks, however, it was the only thing keeping him awake. That, and his never ending pit of insecurities gnawing at his heart, his mind, and his life. 

His friends, his love, could not be there all the time. Though they tried as much as possible to be in his room with him when Jun would go into these dreary fits, they all had their own life to lead. Jun knew that, and he respected that, but it was time away from them, locked in his room, under the knit blanket from Soonyoung, slowly eating the chocolates from Mingyu, that he could think so heavily on himself. All thoughts, all doubts, could be traced down to one point: he was a burden. Everybody else seemed to beg to differ, but in Juns eyes, they seem to have forgotten what the word 'burden' means. Jun was the living and breathing embodiment of it, and he hated it.

It hurt so much of the time to know this. To know that he was the one everyone had to take care of; to know that he was the one everyone had to move out of their way to tell him it was okay; the one that that people had to tell him to not sleep till tomorrow, because he was so bad at today. He hated, hated, and hated, yet no matter how much he hated it seemed his anger was never deemed desirable enough by the unnatural forces to spare him. It was like they hated him too, and he hated himself. There was so much misery in his heart, it flowed through him like the center of the river where the current surged. Juns personality was fine really, but sometimes, it was too much.

At least, so he thought. All this thinking had waken him momentarily, and as his thoughts cooled down, he could feel the sleep massaging his muscles. Slowly, the hands of it kneaded and threaded gentle fingers through his hair till, and slowly, he began to lull away. He was so shit he could not even stay awake, yet, would it really be a bad thing to fall asleep? He will wake up tomorrow, and then the next day, so what was the problem?

Then Minghao walked in, and he forgot he was tired in the first place.

"Hao-hao!" Jun said happily, voice a little hoarse from not speaking for a while. His eyes instantly sparkling at the sudden arrival. The corners of his mouth stretched into a million dollar smile, like right out of a movie. Instantly, he was happy.

Minghao smiled sweetly. There were bags under his eyes, an energy drink in hand. His hair was a little greasy, clothes a bit wrinkled, but he did not care. Nothing mattered except for Wen Junhui in this moment to him. He had been waiting for two days to see him, as work had been chaotic and time consuming, now he finally had the chance to see Jun. His heart swelled at the sight of him too, though not in the best condition, he was merely tranquil. "Hello Jun."

"I'm so excited to see you, you do not even know how lonely my room is," Jun gushed, still smiling.

Minghaos mood only increased, positively. He placed his drink on the side table, sliding over the cards, and walking over to his lovers bed. "I'm even more excited to see you. It's such a relief that I'm off work, and that I get to see you, you really don't even know. Now I cannot imagine what it's like to sit here all day, but let me tell you, I'm surrounded by assholes at work. Oh, and do you want me to sit with you?"

Jun laughed, shaking his head, "Of course, come and sit. I will say though, assholes are better than no assholes."

Minghao giggled a little, slowly sinking into the bed. He let himself curl into Juns side, his head falling against his shoulder,and his arms gently folded over the other. Minghao felt at peace here, more than anywhere else, with the familiar sanitizing smell and firm body. Jun was his siren, he was his solace, and he would never have any other. "Maybe for you," Minghao starts, then continues on with, "You've always been a people person. I like to be alone."

"Unless it's me?" Jun asks, a tease in his voice.

"No."

Jun hummed, grinning tightly. "You sure about that, Hao-hao? All snuggled into my side. If I could roll over and hug you, I would, but I think I would disturb you."

A breathy laugh escaped Minghaos mouth, "Just because I'm cuddling you does not mean you're an exception. I could cuddle anybody if I really wanted to, but fortunately for you, I only want you."

"A bit narcissistic, you say?" Jun mused.

"Maybe, but you love me, so it's okay."

"I do love you, and it's perfectly okay. You're perfectly okay." Jun finished it off, with a quick kiss to Minghaos forehead.

Minghao hummed, contentedly. This was home, real home. The warmth that oozed from Jun was as thick as molasses, as sweet as honeysuckles. Jun was home, however Jun was also sick. His mind was so beautiful to Minghao, constructed from the highest of powers, yet it was crippling away slowly. Day by day it chipped away and with each time Minghao came to see his boyfriend, he only looked worst. He was skinnier, paler, hoarser, more tired, and Minghao was worried. He talked to the professionals, and he talked to Jun, but none ever had answer for him. He wanted Jun to get better, more than anything in the world, and he would hope till the very last minutes on this earth, and even after that.

Really, Minghao loved Jun, and consequently, he knew Jun was tired. It was easy to spot this, even in the glance, a person could tell how tired Jun was. Today was no different too, the bags under his boyfriends eyes had increasingly darkened, and when he had asked, they had informed him that Jun was on the verge of going into the solemn darkness. Minghao knew what this meant and the strains that it put on his heart, but he had not seen his Junnie in days, so today he was going to live it as if it were their last. He was going to cherish it forever, with forever being an eternity, and never anything else.

Forever, Minghao thought slowly, the familiar sensation of tears in his eyes. Jun was suffering, he was hurting so bad. Heart aches and migraines were all the time, and the detrimental feeling of not being good enough sufficed with him. Minghao wished he could take that away from Jun, how could though? There was no way he could, even if he graced upon his knees and begged to whatever was out there. In fact, he already had, but to no avail, nobody had answered. The yearning for forever was so overwhelming at times, more than that, it was the savoring of the temporary. Jun was tired, and Jun was temporary.

Jun was temporary. "If I could get married to you Jun, I would." Minghao whispered.

Juns ears perked up. His eyes were only barely closed, not enough to fall asleep, all for Minghaos presence. He would stay awake, as long as he could, if it meant that his Hao-Hao could spend a little bit of extra time with him. The words though, that had tumbled from the smaller boys mouth, were none of assurance. On the occasion when they would speak of the future, in such a frivolous manner, it would be warm. They would giggle with each other, with such flowery feelings exerting from them. Jun loved the times like these, in spite of that, the crack in Minghaos voice was of no positivity. It was broken.

"Why so sudden?" The elder had inquired, shifting lightly to stroke Minghaos arm.

"I just wanted you to know that, I know you already do, but I really love you Jun." The younger boy had replied, tightening his grip as well. He had no plans of letting go, and would stay there all night.

Jun smiled solemnly. Of course, he knew Minghao loved him dearly. He loved Minghao even more so, with all that he could muster. If there was nothing else that he could give to the crude world, he would give it his love, for his love was a lantern in a snowstorm. It was powerful, and it was what kept him going. His love for Minghao, was the only thing left. "And I love you Hao." 

Minghao sniffled a little, an indication of crying. His emotions were of too much turmoil of the moment. He knew, he knew, he knew, oh gosh, and the more he sat there the more it sank in. Minghaos compassion for Jun was suffocating, and in a way, he wished he was stronger. There really was no need to fret right now, all he was suppose to do was to appreciate the moment, but he just could not. Not when he knew the inevitable were to happen. Not when he knew what the others had said. He tried his best to will it away, he really did, but he just could not.

Jun was a little panicked. Why was Minghao crying, he did not know. All he knew was that it sparked something within him, deep and far. "Hey, baby, why are you crying?" He asked gently, sitting the both of them up, with doing so though, pain eliciting in his bones. He huffed, but did not say a word about it.

Minghao, who was in tears, could not see the others pain. "How are you feeling, Jun? Are you okay, please tell me the truth."

"Baby, where is this coming from? I feel fine, really. Just a little tired, that's all." Jun tried reassuring.

The younger shook his head, sitting up. His cheeks were flushed red, eyes glistening in tears. His eyebrows were furrowed, forming harsh creases on his tan skin, making him look worst than he already did. "Are you really though? Jun, you're so much skinnier now, and paler. I heard you're not even eating anymore. Please tell me if you're not okay, I want to help you."

"You cannot help me. You know that." Jun renounced, in a monotone.

"So you are in pain?" Minghao prompted forward.

Jun sighed, breaking eye contact. It was hard to look into his lovers eyes when they were so persistent, persuading. It was so tempting to burst right there, and tell him everything, but Jun egged to not. He was already so burdensome, no more. "I always am. It is nothing new, okay? Please don't worry Hao-Hao."

"Look me in the eyes when you say that then."

This was where Jun would breakdown. There was no way he could ever look to Minghao in such a way and be reassuring. As much as he wanted to be strong, as much as he wanted to be the one to whisper 'it'll be okay' all gently, he was the weak one. He was the one with all the problems, so complicated. There was other way to put him, then a mess, for that is the exact definition of what he was. No matter what Jun did, what he tried, he always came out on bottom. Even when he was considered 'okay,' was he still inexcusably terrible at the things he would do. From tying his shoe to dragging down his friends, he was a failure in one way or another.

Especially now, oh the coward he was. Unable to tell Minghao what was wrong, knowing he was going to cry pitifully. He had cried times before, of course when he was alone, but when he was in front of his lover it felt wrong. Again, he was older, he was suppose to be there for Minghao, yet it was the other way around. Jun was the one on the bed, barely able to move, with a quivering lip and a shattered heart. The more he sat in his misery, the more the thoughts of despair paraded through his mind. His vision became foggy, and his heart rate steeped lower than ever before. He hated, hated, hated. He hated all of this.

It was all his fault. It was always his fault. Why did he have to be this way? Oh gosh and he was crying now, Jun was crying. Tears graced gently down his cheeks, his mind shredding apart in an uncomfortable way. The word 'burden' played consecutively in his mind, accompanied by his will to stop crying. He shouted at himself to stop, he tried so hard, but he failed at that too. No matter how much he tried the tears kept coming, more and more, and he wanted nothing more than to shrivel and die. He really did not deserve Minghao for this.

In fact, nobody deserved Minghao. Minghao was amazing; he is strong, passionate, artistic, open-minded, and so very confrontational. He worked to his wits, and would even keep going. The shit people would give him was suppose to be antagonizing, yet instead fueled him forward. Jun wishes he could be this way, especially if it meant he could keep his eyes open enough for his own wedding. So he could get down on one knee, a velvet box in hand, a promise in that. A ring with a diamond as sparkly, as valuable as Minghao was, and that was all Jun could ever wish for, yet he was bound to his bed, bound to his head, and soon, bound to his death.

It was the beep of the machine next to him, slowly getting faster as his eyes leaked more and more crystals, just as a faucet. It was the IV in his arm, aching at the point of exertion. It was the oxygen tank on his other side, plastic tube wrapped around his head in his nose, providing little air. It was the bland white walls with the weird abstract painting of a circle and square, and the uncomfortable plastic and cloth chairs with uncoordinated patters. It was the hospital, his room, his bed, and inevitably the last place he would see.

The world was dying, but Jun was dying more. He was so weak, so frail, and moving an inch could inflict so much agony that even the strongest of people could not stand. His heart was wilting away, like a black rose given from the man of death, it was no longer full of life and instead wore the mask of sorrow. Jun was dying, and there was no more to fix him. They had tried treatment after treatment, but after trying for so long, already waist deep in debt, Jun did not want to try anymore. He did not want Minghao to try anymore.

He wanted to die, and he wanted to die soon.

"I'm so, so, so sorry Minghao. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I could not be the one for you in the end, I really wish I could, but I just can't, and I'm sorry," Jun cried out, squeezing his boyfriend to him. He nuzzled his face into his hair, inhaling the rain forest scent, and only sobbing more. The strain on his voice was so incredibly broken, one so sad to listen to, thattears automatically welled in the listeners eyes.

They did just that, to Minghao, who frantically hugged Jun back, crying his own tears. These ones were not so loud, but they were just as broken, and maybe even more. Oh reader, Minghao loved Jun more dearly than he loved life itself, and to hear his one and only apologizing for unconventional circumstances shot him straight through the heart. He whispered,gently, "It's okay Jun, I know, I know, we talked about this before. It is okay, I know you're ashamed, but I would not do this for anybody else, ever. You are the only person I would cut my leg off for if you asked me to, so never doubt why I am here. I love you too much, and I wish you could be my end too. I really do."

Jun shook his head, rather violently. "No Minghao, I'm so tired. I'm so tired and you know it. Please Minghao, forgive me, I know you will hurt so much, so please, forget me."

And like glass shattering, Minghaos heart dropped. Faster than lightening itself, he was electrified by the feeling of despair in such a way that was eliciting. His fears—the deepest at that—were coming true, and there was no stopping the terror of this. Jun, his love, his life, his all, was going to die and he was not ready. He never would be. How can somebody prepare for such a heart wrenching event, is that even possible? Minghao knew this was coming, he really did, however every time he came here, the hole in his soul would bubble to the surface and face him with a certain dignity of inspiration. The poor boy would cling to it, sob with it, nevertheless, he would depend on it.

Now though, with Jun in his state of a horrid frenzy, Minghao could no longer hold the feeling. That little sliver of thread he was holding on to was breaking. It was as if it were a piece of thread, fine material, built with care and precision, yet all things come to an end, and this thread was no different. It had snapped, Jun on one end, Minghao on the other, and a valley in between. Minghao loved Jun, but it was time to let go. Carefully, the younger boy cleared his mind, taking deep breaths, deciding on how he were to go on about this.

With one last tear dripping from his eye, he grabbed his lovers hand in front of him. He did so ever so delicately, trying to convey a sense of empathy for the underlying pressure of the room. Slowly he took his fingers too, tracing of Juns frail knuckles, one hump at a time. He traced the veins, to the lines on his palm, trying to engrain this hand into his mind, to savor the touch it. Minghao admired it, and quietly, he looked up to Jun. It sounds cliche, but there was a deep connection that flowed between them. So strong, so emotional, and so vulnerable. There was happiness, sadness, anger, but above all else there was love in each other's eyes. A burning passion to hold one another when nobody else would, a longing to admire the stars together as the sun disappears into the night, a want to caress and kiss and worship in a dark room. Between them, there was a life, but a life to be ended.

Because no matter how deep their connection went, today, it would end.

Reassuringly, Minghao grinned, willing himself to stay calm. The words in his throat were clawing to come out, therefore, in a shaky voice, he began to say, "It's okay to sleep Jun. It has been a long day, but more so a long couple of months. I am sorry if you are scared—I am too—, but my love, it will be okay. We will be okay."

Jun frowned. "No Minghao, no. No, no, no. I could not. You know how it would hurt you."

"It would hurt me so much, but I know you are hurting so much more, and for so much longer. I despise the pain that has been inflicted onto you, however, you and I both know there is no other options. Above all, I want you to live peacefully, and sleep soundly." Minghao spewed, rather quickly.

"You-" Jun's voice cracked amidst his words, rolling his bottom lip to chew on it. Here it was; a moment in which he had awaited for an eternity; a moment in which he could go. It had been years, in and out of hospitals, from doctor to doctor, treatment to treatment, and yet none seemed to work. Solutions ran thin, to the point where it was obvious there was no such thing. Jun had tried hard, he really had, hence, the sweetness of Minghao's encouragement for his leave. "Do you actually think it is time?" He asked, eyes unblinking.

With tight lips, Minghao responded, "Only if you think it is time."

And for the nth time that day, through his tears, his melancholy, his detriment, he cried. Maybe it was the last time, or maybe he would do it again, but it was his time. There was no other time as right as this one, not that there could ever be a correct time. Issues as significant as these had no place in perfection.

"I think it is time." Jun stated.

Minghao shuddered. "Okay."

"Okay."

"Do you really?"

"I think so."

"Okay," and Minghao stood up. He stared at Jun with eyes as dark as night. A film of fog had rested over the brown orbs in pure misery, begging to be popped, yet in this very room he would not. He stared at his lover, there on the white bed in a oddly patterned shirt, pale and sickly, with no life left to live. Reality was sad in times like these, as happiness was short in the world like theirs. Long before these boys relationship, things were already beneath the soil in desolate emotions, and with the slim joy they held between one another was no more by the sheer gamble they played. Minghao should have known, he really should have known.

Reader, he really, really should have known. Breathing was becoming harder, the more and more he stared. Emotions were overfilling, it was overwhelming. This was it. "I love you Jun. I always will."

Jun grinned, love in his eyes. "I love you too, baobei."

Minghao laughed a little, mainly puffing out air. "Don't call me that."

"I love you~, baobei," Jun sang again, drawling out his words.

"You ignored me."

The older boy shook his head, causing a few stray tears to fall. "No, I am just expressing my undying love for you, Hao-Hao."

"Well, then, I love you too, baobei."

Jun laughed, "That's better. Now kiss me."

"Okay."

And Minghao did. It was the last time of a million, where he bent down, hair falling in his face in the process. He moved at a pace, slower than the moons entire rotation around the earth, just to savor these few minutes he had left. He made sure to put each of his hands on the others cheeks, rubbing those sharp cheekbones, and tracing the unkept eyebrows. He made sure to find every tiny little mole, freckle, imperfection or not, and kiss them gently. Minghao, with steady movements, rested his lips upon where Jun's were, just breathing. Even the slightest of touch could be felt, and as he finally kissed his sweet Jun, passion and revelation soared through him. Compassion, love, beauty, elegance, ardor, concupiscence, and all else of diamonds and gold, latched itself to Minghao, and that, was what would stay an eternity. This was it.

Jun lifted an arm, and traced Minghao's face one last time, not to remember it, but to just feel it. This really was it.

And dear reader, this was it; this was the end. When Minghao left the room, the lights were shut off, and a plug was pulled. Jun laid there on the bed, head empty, no emotion to spare. Gradually, his eyes would fall shut, and his surrounding would get quiet. Gradually, his memories drifted away, and his body felt no longer as if it was his. And gradually, he fell asleep; only rubbing his fingertips together, the lingering feeling of Minghao's face, there to comfort him away.

_Now exiting,, Bitter-Sweet Endings_

_thank you <3_

**Author's Note:**

> Was it good? Bad? Amazing? Grandiloquent? 
> 
> Hopefully the latter. 
> 
> I won’t keep you here too long, and go listen to Sergeis symphony no.2 movement III. You will not be disappointed. 
> 
> Have a wonderful day, reader <3 and thank you for being here.


End file.
